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Dating Tips
Dating Tips for the Shy Woman
by Terry MacDonald
Dating can be an absolute nightmare for shy people.
You want to meet the right person, but you’re
too scared to do anything about it.
Introductions—sticking out one’s hand
and looking another person in the eye—can be
terrifying for the shy woman. The brain locks up
as you scramble to think of something relevant to
say. You fall apart as soon as you’re asked
what you do for a living. You stammer. The heat
rises in your face and under your arms. You’re
suddenly incapable of forming a grammatical sentence.
You think to yourself, “Why would anyone care
about me? I’m really not that interesting!”
Fear not. Many shy people have succeeded in meeting
new people and forming lasting, happy relationships.
With a little practice, you can too. Here are some
tips for taming your social terror.
1. Prepare a pitch. The question, “So, Sally,
what do you do for a living?” is bound to come
up, so have a ready answer. No need to brag about
capturing the company Tidy Break room Award; just
state clearly what you do for a living and don’t
apologize for it!
2. Ask questions. People love to talk about themselves
(okay, except for people like you), so ask questions.
Come up with a list before you leave the house,
i.e., How did you get into that line of work? Where
did you go to school? Have you seen the new Brad
Pitt movie? And so on.
3. When you fumble, turn the subject to the other
person. Whenever you find yourself longing to throw
a blanket over your head and crawl off, try saying
something like “And what about you?”
4. Listen to what the other person is saying! This
is important. Instead of fretting about what you’ll
say next, still the wheels of your mind and listen.
If a man tells you about his weekend on the golf
course, and you know absolutely nothing about golf,
just ask him what he likes about it, how he got
into it, etc.
5. Smile. People respond well to people who smile.
No need to grin like an idiot, but a disarming smile
will get ‘em every time. Smiling conveys friendliness
and approachability. Show teeth whenever possible.
Avoid looking like a figure at a wax museum by practicing
in a mirror before you leave the house.
6. Breathe. Whenever you feel your heart racing,
breathe deeply and slowly. If you really start to
feel uncomfortable (your face has become so hot
you could use it for a wok), excuse yourself and
go to the restroom.
7. Compliment the other person. Sincerity is key,
so find something you like and mention it. You may
be freaked out by the idea of complimenting a man
on his soulful eyes, so mention his watch, suit,
tie, or even his shoes. No need to go overboard:
“Nice shoes,” will do it.
8. Stay on top of current events. You don’t
necessarily want to bring up your stand on Bush
v. Kerry during a first meeting, but be able to
discuss less controversial issues intelligently.
9. Remember the weather! Some people have the “gift
of gab,” the ability to make strangers feel
like they’ve known them forever. They are fearless
about talking about the weather, gas prices, whatever.
Shy people worry that talking about mundane things
will make them appear stupid. But seemingly dull
subjects like the weather affect everybody. People
relate to them.
10. Hold your head up. It’s the simplest, most
effective way to look confident. Good posture, coupled
with that fabulous smile of yours, gives you a “winner’s
vibe.” You’re guaranteed to be a hit!
Be warned: These tips will not help you if you don’t
leave the house. It’s just too easy to watch
a Friends rerun for the umpteenth time instead of
meeting people, but I promise you that Prince Charming
is never going to climb through your bedroom window.
Talking to strangers can be uncomfortable, but with
practice it will surely get easier. If you have
a bad night, congratulate yourself for making the
effort. When you have a good night, understand that
you earned it. Know that countless wonderful nights
are on their way to you.
About The Author
Terry MacDonald is the author of How to Attract
and Marry the Man of Your Dreams (Even if You're
Not Rich, Thin, or Beatiful). Visit her website
at www.marrysmart.com
terry@marrysmart.com |
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